August 2009

2009-08-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

Clover Fields Hwy 26

2009-05-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

2009-04-22T21:58:00.000-07:00

I got a new camera. I good compromise on quality, function and cost. It is a Fuji Finepix S1000. Once I am more comfortable I will take it off automatic. It doesn't have inter-changeable lenses but it can be fully manual. Love it so far.

As usual my subject matter is babies- mine and the zoo. We are planning some more exciting trips to the tulips so hold on tight. Spring is here!

Washington Park Zoo

2009-02-03T14:49:00.000-08:00

A start

2009-01-31T01:26:00.000-08:00

Well that does it. My friend Gabi figured out what I could not see with one quick glance at my facebook.

I need a hobby that does not include cleaning.

Is that the source of my melancholy? Is that why I struggle with feeling a sense of accomplishment? Is that where my motivation is? Ah, to have little to look forward to but endless laundry, dishes and making the bed.

But what do you do?

I love being a mom and I am so glad that I can be home for my children. I long to work but know that it isn't the time and that everyone gets so much out of me being home. Now is not the time to have a 8-5.

What do I love?

This isn't a question that I have asked myself since High School. I have always floundered. I have never had a true hobby that gives me that desire to keep at it. I love to read and would love to write but am overwhelmed by the thought of turning my outline into something bigger. So that isn't an option right now. I enjoy running and am trying to get a jump start on getting back into it but dread the first few steps. So that isn't it either. I go to the gym as often as I can and get a sense of comfort with doing it well and being sore and watching my body change with each week. But seriously, if you know me you are jaw dropped if you aren't laughing. Obviously this isn't really what I want to do, just something that I need to do and have found that I am decent at. I am willing to miss weeks on end with no one to go with so that isn't it. I try quilting, crocheting even tried scrap-booking. I rarely finish what I start. Again, not that drive.

What do I long to do?

I am drawn back, time and again to picking up a camera. My home is full of pictures. Ones of my children, my husband, places and things. I enjoy a painting, but I am pulled to photos of any kind. When I get a moment in any ones home, you can find me with my face pressed to pictures they have. I can't help myself. It is my version of poking in your medicine cabinet (which I have never understood). I want to know how it looks from your eyes. I want to see what the photographer sees. I always wish that I was there to capture that moment. Is this who I am? A mere voyeur? Nope, not at all.

My blog is empty without photo support. I need to share with you what I see and what is important to me. I have always loved the feel the weight of a camera in my hands.

Why then do I own a small, cheap, low quality camera? I lost my way. I faltered in my love. I questioned my drive. I wondered if I was good enough. I left my passion behind thinking, well I am not sure what I was thinking.

Here I am struck this night by the weight of my choices.

I will no longer by defined by the number of loads of laundry that I get done. I will no longer feel embarrassed or apologetic by how cluttered and chaotic my home is. The reason it has never been done well is because it isn't where my heart is. I play with my children and love to hang out with them. I enjoy their interests and give them all that I am to help them become all that they can. There is no greater job and it requires my utmost love and attention. But I am lost as to who I am. It is time to take up those things from my childhood that gave me a sense of wonder and awe. It is time to stop worrying if I will ever be good enough because I am, if only because I try. It is time for me to step forward and be counted as someone who listened to the voice.

It is time for a new camera, a fresh lens and lots of film.

This is my journey and these are my photos.

2009-01-31T00:35:00.000-08:00

My digital camera is not very good. I have a 35m SLR Nikon with a power pack. Needless to say neither are meeting my needs nor are they very appropriate for blogging. I am evaluating my options. Enjoy.

Through the Lens

August 2009

Clover Fields Hwy 26

Washington Park Zoo

A start